6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
