My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
