You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm at about main and main street
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
