I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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