Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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