i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
