One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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