I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
