so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
