She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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