I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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