I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
