I look better un-naked...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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