my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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