help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
