I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize