she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
