She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
