Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
