Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Boobs are out for the taking
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
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