Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
