You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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