Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
