What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
