Tell her she can't have a vagina
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
