how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
