there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
