i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
