tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
