to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
