Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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