the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
