Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
