i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
only you would photoshop your dick
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
