I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
