When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
