What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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