The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
