ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
