the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
