My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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