I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
