I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
