I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
