I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
