Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
