If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
