it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize