just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
