When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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