As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
