chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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