These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
