when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
