Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
