You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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