I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
