Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
