But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
