I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
