he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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