Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think weed is turning my hair brown
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
