matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh god it's open bar.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
