i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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