we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
