This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
