i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
