By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
