You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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