Pregnant stripper...not hot.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
