Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
