where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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