i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
