I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My vagina is officially offended.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
