She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
