no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
